Revive Hope

Reflection - 10 months ago today

10 months ago today I received the Gift of Life from my amazing and loving mother!

How I feel today compared to this time last year…

About this time last year I was coming out of the most difficult three months of my life – I’ll explain more shortly – and I was definitely feeling and living with the symptoms of end-stage renal disease (ESRD) – bone pain, insomnia, very fatigue, frequent muscle cramps, pale skin, tissue swelling, poor appetite, back pain – to name a few.

I’m not one that likes to have others worry about me, so each day I would put on this persona that I was doing well – feeling pretty good under the circumstances. But under this façade, I was feeling the other end of good. I was constantly fighting all of these symptoms that were getting worse and worse with every week and every day that passed and battling with coming to terms and inner peace of accepting my mother’s soon-to-be-gift and if I deserved it.

Dealing with symptoms of ESRD was a very difficult challenge – but seeking this inner peace of accepting my mother’s soon-to-be-gift was by far the most difficult challenge of my life.

I would have donated a kidney to my mother without a second of hesitation if the tables were turned; the fact still remained the tables weren’t turned – I was on the receiving end. Even though I was pre-warned of the emotional feelings I may experience prior to the months of my transplant during the transplant orientation meeting. I thought…nah, not me. And I left my orientation meeting blinded to the fact I was about to embark on the most difficult months of my life.

For the next few months I internally battled with constant feelings of guilt and anger.

Do I deserve this second chance? How could I possibly let my mother make such a sacrifice for me knowing I made some very unwise decisions through the previous years? Knowing the pain and discomfort my mother will have to endure through the screening procedures and test before she could officially be declared a candidate to donate. The pain and discomfort post transplant. How could I let her? How do I come to peace with this? Or will I? Many nights I spent kneeling on my bedside praying – with tears flowing – asking for forgiveness and guidance. This peace seemed so distant? Why is this hard? There are no guarantees. What if my body doesn’t accept my mother’s kidney? How will she deal with this? It wouldn’t be her fault. But will she understand this? Before I can have this transplant, I have to find this inner peace. Weeks went by. Same questions – the battle continued. Then like the instant calm after a strong summer storm – one Sunday about this time last year – feeling exhausted physically and emotionally - the inner peace came. I was praying at the alter of my church with my mother kneeling next to me - I can’t find the exact words to describe it – simply the inner peace I had been seeking for the past 12+ weeks swarmed through by body. I knew it was god’s will.

Today – 10 months post transplant – I feel amazing! I am enjoying life to the fullest! I am back to working out and enjoying the outside activities that I love. I can play and run around with my 6 year-old niece and 9 year-old nephew. I am in the best physical shape of my life. I have dropped 30 pounds since the day of my transplant. I am enjoying kickboxing, running, biking, hiking, and kayaking. I can enjoy times with my family and friends – not feeling tired or exhausted all the time. The most important, I am getting the opportunity to continue to live my life and build ever lasting memories with those important in my life.

All of this because of the selfless, loving, and compassionate gift my mother gave me 10 months ago today – the Gift of Life!

Thank you mother! I love you and thank about you and your gift all the time! You are not only my mother; you are my best friend, my hero, my angel!

Happy Birthday, Jenn...

Talking to the Shadows

By Jennifer Amendt

Do you remember when we were little girls how you use to walk me home from an afternoon of fun only to have me turn around and walk you straight back home?
I will never forget how after hours of fun in the snow we would come back inside with our pink little noses and sopping socks to our steamy cups of hot chocolate, board games, and movies.

Our last run, or walk, is the fondest memory I have with you.
After our long walk we went back to my house and I put my prom dress on for you, it had just been finished.
I remember how we giggled because you made fun of how flat my chest looked in it.
We walked back to your house that night and I saw you in your prom dress.
A dress you would never wear.

Sometimes I think you knew that God was calling you home.
Could you hear him whispering your name?
Two days later I received a phone call saying, "come quickly" you were sick.
Two days later, you were in heaven, while our hearts were breaking apart down here.
Two days later, I felt alone.
Those days surrounding your sudden absence I will never forget.
The tears, the screams, the anger, the sorrow, and the loneliness are etched into my brain forever.

Almost five years later, some memories are starting to fade.
I don't talk to you as much.
I use to think about what you did to pass the time away.
Now a week or two will go by when I don't think about you at all.
Are you forgetting me like I am forgetting you?
I hardly remember your voice.
I could never forget that smile.
Yet, the memories still seem to fade, even if I don't want them to.

Can you see us strive?
Can you see us fail?
Do you see us smile?
Are you the one who helps pick us up when we fall?

In a few months I will run with the man who has your lungs.
I want to run with you one last time.
I know it will not be the same, but will you be there?
When I hear him huff and breathe on our run, will those be your breathes I hear?
When I am old and gray and it is time for my last breath, will you be there?
Will you be there holding my hand to walk me home where we belong?

I learned of Jenn a few months after learning of Kari and her family.  Kari’s Mom sent me a “Happy 19th Birthday to your Lungs!” card on March 7, 2002.  In that card was a poem that Jenn had written titled, “From a Quiet Corner”…  I cried when I read it then, and I still do.

I didn’t know it, but Jenn struggled quite a long time with Kari’s death.  I also didn’t know that Kari’s Mom suggested that Jenn contact me thinking maybe she’d get some closure meeting me.  I got a beautiful email from Jenn on the fourth anniversary of Kari’s death.  Though I knew of her, Jenn introduced herself and explained her relationship with Kari – then told me she was contacting me because she wanted to “run with Kari” one more time.  She told me she wanted to come out and climb the Hancock with me.

We exchanged many emails after that and learned so much about one another.  Months before she came out, she read “From a Quiet Corner” to ladies at her church.  They coaxed her to write another poem – she wrote “Talking to the Shadows.”

In February, 2005, Jenn drove her with her sister and another of Kari’s schoolmates, Christian, and two friends.  Five of them came with luggage for a long weekend in a car way too small for all of that.  The girls spent almost six hours in the back seat with their feet up on luggage.

When Jenn poured out of the car and we hugged – in my heart, it felt like we had known one another forever.   The emails we exchanged never prepared me for the precious girl I would meet.  Jenn has since become a very, very special part of my life.

I probably should have let Jenn post her poem herself.  It means the whole, wide world to me…  Tomorrow, I get to read it to 400 high school juniors.  400 brilliant high school students who are interested in pursuing a career in medicine – I get to tell them about Kari, and about Jenn, and about breathing with beautiful lungs.  I get to let them see a little bit of Kari through Jenn’s eyes, and I get to teach them about organ donation.

As she mentioned in her poem, Jenn may not talk to Kari as much – but I still do quite often.  On her birthday, and on the day she passed and gave me life, I often let others in on my little conversations.  Laura and I have flowers placed on her grave in Iowa and I always have a note tucked in with them – sometimes to her family, but usually to Kari.  I met Jenn in February 2005. A week later, my note on Kari's birthday flowers read:

Dear Kari,

I met Jenn…  Her poetry has shown me how deeply friends can love one another…  Spending time with her has confirmed something I already knew – How very special you are, how much you loved your friends, and how very much they loved you.  We ran together like she wanted…  And we talked…  About you and about me.  Man, she can talk!  I hope you were with me when I hugged Jenn – It felt like you were…  I never wanted to let her go.

I think of you every day…  And of your family and friends too.

Love,
Steve & Laura Lungs

Happy Birthday, Jenn – I’m glad you were born.  I’m glad you’re alive.  I’m glad you share this beautiful planet with me and I will never, ever forget your friend… or you.  I’ll love you forever and always.

Searching for David's Heart-a book review

The book I read this month is called Searching for David's Heart by Cherie Bennett. Bennett, currently one of the head associate writers for the Young and the Restless, published this young adult novel in 1998.

The book takes place in Appleton Wisconsin where a family of 5 has the "American Dream".  Dad is a cop, Mom is a nurse, and they have three healthy children.

Darcy Deeton, the main character, is in sixth grade and absolutely adores her older brother, David.  He's a star football player, loving brother and son, and caring friend.  Darcy says "he's the we of me".  They are the best of friends and soul mates...until David gets a girlfriend.

Darcy despises David's girlfriend and it shows. At her birthday party the J-word (that's what Darcy calls her), shows up unexpectedly. Darcy lashes out at her.  Later, she goes to apologize, but the apology ends up being a huge fight between Darcy and David.

That same evening David is hit and killed by a car, and only Darcy and David's girlfriend know the truth about what happened!  Was David's death Darcy's fault?

This book is absolutely AMAZING!  It's an easy read, so all you parents out there with upper elementary and junior high school students, use this book as an opportunity to discuss organ and tissue donation!

Bennett pulls you in as a reader, whether you are 12 or 50, she really connects you with the characters. This book will make you feel numerous emotions...sadness, disparity, happiness, embarrassment, love, and joy!  It made me laugh and it surely made me cry!!

Topics this book touches:  Racism, Family, Magic Tricks, Poverty,Acceptance, and of course ORGAN DONATION

Don't Break the Circle of Life

A few weeks back while I was browsing YouTube I came across these neat organ donation awareness videos that donate4william uploaded. Each video’s description mentioned for more information check out donate4william on myspace. So to myspace I went. What I ended up learning brought tears and smiles.

www.donate4william.org is the website for the William Rollings McMahon Organ Donation Educational Foundation that was founded by a mother who lost her 16-year-old son after his newly transplanted liver developed complications and another donor liver didn’t arrive in time.

I would like to share the following article Kim, the mother, wrote:

Viewpoint: Consider being an organ donor and saving lives
By Kim McMahon

A little over a year ago my 16-year-old son passed away. Yet there is a possibility he could still be here today. My son William was an active, healthy honor student when, during the last week of 2004, he developed flu-like symptoms. In less than a week he was diagnosed with unexplained liver failure. He was flown from Pensacola to Shands Hospital in Gainesville in critical condition. We were told he would need a liver transplant. What a total shock! I thought liver failure was caused by drugs, alcohol or being born with a defective liver. My son fit these descriptions in no way. There was no history of liver problems in our families, and all drug and alcohol screens came back negative. A miracle occurred when he received a donated liver in time to save his life. After his Jan. 2, 2005, transplant William bravely fought for his life and successfully returned home. There he resumed his passions of surfing and playing the guitar. Almost five months after his transplant, he developed complications and once again needed a liver donation. We were not as fortunate this time; he passed away May 19, 2005. I am an organ donor. But I realized at this time that I really knew very little about organ donation. During our almost five months of treatment and hospitalization, I realized the importance of organ donation education and awareness. We saw children slowly dying as they waited for organs. Based on OPTN (Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network) data, late last month there were 92,383 people waiting for organs, with 2,176 of them newborn to 17 years of age. From our room in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit we would see many of the teenage accident victims arrive. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that car crashes are the leading cause of death for ages 15-20. Of this age group, 7,898 were involved in fatal crashes in 2004 alone. I believe most parents don't discuss organ donation with their children. I had not. Why should we? We never think it will happen to us. We don't ever want to think about the death of our children. But the reality is it does happen every day. And when it does, parents are often asked the question about donating their child's organs and tissue. At this horrific time you are in a state of shock and don't want to start learning about organ donation. Yet your child could unexpectedly be in the next room, waiting for an organ. Because of the size and other issues, most adult organs cannot be used on children. It is a fact that every organ and tissue donor can save and enhance the lives of up to 50 people. While I believe this is a personal decision, it deserves an educated answer. Please understand and discuss organ and tissue donation with your family and friends. By doing so you are helping raise awareness of this life-saving gift -- before it's too late!

Source: Pensacola News Journal Viewpoint Letter, Published-August 13, 2006

Kim now travels the globe telling her son’s story so that people understand how quickly and easily this can happen to anyone. She has founded a foundation in memory of William, which focuses on organ donation education and awareness.

For more information about William Rollings McMahon Organ Donation Educational Foundation, see www.myspace.com/donate4william or www.donate4william.org.

Here is one of the videos I am speaking of:

For additional donate4william videos click here.

Who is your hero?

What is a hero?

Dictionary.com defines a hero as a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal.

Who are heroes?

Men and women of our armed forces, firemen, policemen, and first responders are a few groups of individuals that instantly come in my mind when I think of heroes. I assume you would agree. All of these individuals’ day in and day out perform heroic acts and make decisions that save the lives of others.

My mission, the My Angel Foundation’s mission, is to introduce the public to another group of heroes whose decisions and actions have saved and enhanced the lives of thousands.

The group of heroes I am speaking of is organ donors.

My mother is a hero! A few days short of 10 months ago my mother gave me the Gift of Life for the second time by donated one of her kidneys to me. This loving, compassionate, and selfless gift has provided me the opportunity to watch the two lights of my life grow up (my 9 year old nephew and 6 year old niece), continue to share memories with my family and friends, and to simply enjoy life to the fullest!

Who is your hero?

Small World Part I - Jack Hurley

This is “Part I” because I have a feeling me or Ted or Jenn will have plenty of reason to use this heading.  I read a lot of stories about cystic fibrosis, lung transplant and organ donation. Often enough I say “HEY!!! I know that guy!” (or gal…)  Sometimes when I notice that – I’m going to put them here…  And I invite Ted or Jen to do the same… (Just change it to the next sequential “part”!!!)

Last week on “Illinois Donor Diaries” there was a post about Jack Hurley.  Actually, it was a letter from Jack Hurley about his journey.  Jack got to spend father’s day with his family because of a beautiful donor who saved his life.  She and her family gave him a lung he desperately needed.

The last paragraph in his letter read:

I will spend Father’s Day with Eileen, Jackie, Melissa, and John. We will have a great time. The kids will start to tell Dad and Mom stories, always the same stories, always just as funny. It will be a very good day. They are all good days.

I’ve met Jack Hurley and spent time with him on a number of occasions. He’s an awesome guy… He attends our lung transplant support group now and then. I saw him sucking O2 before transplant and walking tall after his transplant.

I know there were a few bumps in his road post transplant – yet he still has an incredibly positive influence on the people waiting around him, and the people who have been through it. Regardless of any troubles he may have had, he leaves not doubt that he would do it all again in a heartbeat.

You know I’m all about leaping tall buildings – Jack’s beautiful daughter did the Hustle up the Hancock for the American Lung Association last year in his honor – she wore a very funny shirt that said, “My dad had a hair transplant and a lung transplant, guess which one worked?” with a picture of smiling Jack with his shiny head on her shoulder…

Jack makes it so very clear how much he appreciates the gift he has been given. You just have to see this big, burly, former Chicago Police Detective’s eyes welling, and lips quivering a bit, when he speaks of the generous person who saved his life. I think his donor would be proud of the life she’s saved…

It’s an amazing thing to be able to give someone their life back – to give them back to their spouse and their children. It’s an amazing thing to get your life back too. Jack makes it so obvious that he appreciates the gift he’s been given. I do too. They really are all good days, aren’t they Jack?

"Illinois Donor Diaries" is part of the Donate Life Illinois campaign.  A link is available at www.IamAreYou.org  Stories and posts are available on Blogspot and MySpace.

Chapter 6 of Illinois Donor Diaries is "HEY!!! I know that gal!" It's about a lady tho is very special to me - I'll post about her at a later date.

Student makes organ donation a mission...

This is a very neat story about a very neat girl.  Her name is Rachael Johnston.  She’s 18 years old and she is going to make the world a better place - she already has a head start.

She did what sounds like a pretty amazing school project about organ donation.  The way she approached her project was pretty wonderful - she interviewed about a dozen people waiting for transplant.  She understands about organ donation, her younger brother Peter received a kidney five years ago.  Her Mom said that Rachael spent more than 50 hours making a 10 minute DVD for her senior project.  In this story, Rachael recalls her project being judged, and how one of the judges cried and told Rachael how her views about organ donation were changed and how she was moved by her project.

Rachael’s Mom, Judy, is obviously pretty proud of her daughter - she told me in an email that it was now her job to continue Rachael’s quest and volunteer at local high schools, present her DVD, and spread the word about organ donation.  Judy said they had received three calls from friends, and two other kids from school, saying they had signed up to be donors.  Ironically - Judy also sent me the same poem my Mom passes out!

The article was written by Natalie Otis for the Auburn Journal – It’s a beautifully written article about an incredible girl who has already changed lives. Just in this story alone, six people committed or change their views in favor of organ donation.  That alone may save ten or fifteen lives in the distant future, and improve countless others with tissue donation.  And who knows how many people will read this story and decide that organ donation is a good idea.

I’m proud of you, Rachael.  So many of us are…

Donate Life...Donate Blood

Ever since college, I've always been one to donate my blood.  Over the last couple of years, I've been going in and donating every couple of months.  I'm SO lucky as the company I work for has a blood drive every 8 weeks, so I get to stay on campus and donate during the work day....VERY convenient.

Well, last year, I had a bad experience while donating and haven't donated since.  No worries it was nothing life threatening, it just took me some courage to go donate again.  It was ALL psychological!

Yesterday was my big day...The first time I'd donate in over a year!  I was extremely nervous and got a little panicky while sitting at my desk.  I was honestly contemplating running away! :)  With my orange juice in hand I walked across the street and hoped for the best. 

I walked in the door of the cafeteria and stated my name nervously to one of the nurses.  She handed me the disclaimer and all of those wonderful questions you have to answer prior to the donation.  Honestly, some of those questions crack me up!  Then I was taken back to a cubicle where I was pricked, my temp was checked, and my blood pressure was taken.  I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to donate as I was 100% sure my blood pressure would be sky high for as nervous as I was!

Then I was taken back to a nurse and she helped me climb up on the table.  I told her my fears, and told her I was REALLY nervous.  She was very sweet and told me that she'd make sure this time went a lot easier.  I swear my heart was pumping right out of my chest I was so nervous.  She calmed me down and then the process began. And guess what??

I survived!!!  A little dizzy, but nothing orange juice and chocolate chip cookies can't fix! 

So what happens to your blood after you donate it?  According to GiveLife.org:

Typically, each donated unit of blood - referred to as whole blood - is separated into multiple components, such as red blood cells, plasma, platelets, and cryoprecipatitated AHF (antihemophilic factor). Each component can be transfused to different individuals with different needs. Therefore, each donation can be used to help save as many as three lives.

GiveLife.org is a very neat website that has a lot of information and FAQ's about blood donation. Check it out!!

Sign up with your local Red Cross or Blood Center! It only takes an hour, and you could help someone like Anna Claire  who was born prematurely and could not produce blood on her own. She was in need of blood immediately or she would die.  Thankfully blood was available and Anna Claire survived.  Your blood could also help a mother during childbirth, a woman receive a heart, a 16 year old kid who was in a car accident, or a father with leukemia.

So stop sitting here and reading this blog post...go sign up to donate blood!!!

Heartland: Episode 1

Did you catch the premier of Heartland last night? If so, here is your chance to provide feedback on your thoughts of the new show.

My thoughts….

I highly enjoyed it! The characters showed so much compassion for their work, the recipients, and the donors. This mirrors my personal experience as my transplant surgeon and transplant team are very passionate, caring, and kind people.

I believe the show did a good job of introducing some important facts in the script of the show. For example, at the very beginning when Kate was speaking with the mother of a teenage boy about organ donation, the mother asked “Will you pay for the funeral?” Kate responded, “That’s not how it works?” Speaking of this scene, what are your thoughts about the dialog between the Kate, the organ-recovery coordinator, and the mother?

How about the character of the husband who consented to his wife being an organ donor? How he was in such grief and seeking comfort in knowing that something good came out of his wife’s death.

Do you have any concerns about any wrong perceptions of organ donation being left with the viewers? If so, what are they?

Share your thoughts with us!

Tree of Hope

Each year the Iowa Donor Network hosts a tree planting ceremony somewhere in Iowa to dedicate a tree in memory of those who gave the most precious gift of all; the "Gift of Life".

This year's tree planting ceremony took place on the campus of William Penn University in Oskaloosa, Iowa.

I was asked by the Iowa Donor Network to read at this year's dedication of the tree. I want to share with you parts of what I read:

On August 29th, 2006, at the age of 28 years old I received the most loving, compassionate, and selfless gift from my mother, the "Gift of Life" by the ways of a kidney transplant. My mother so lovingly and unselfishly donated one of her kidneys to me so I could have a chance at a healthier and extended life. Today we gather to dedicate a tree in memory of your loved one.

Symbolic tree planting ceremonies are an age-old ritual, spanning many countries and numerous cultures. Putting a healthy, young tree in the ground is a symbol of celebration: representing life, hope, growth and continuity. A vibrant, beautiful tree benefits everyone in this generation and future generations and is, perhaps, the most fitting memorial we can give to a person. Planting a tree is an act of direct benefit to everyone. It can inspire energy, faith, devotion, and courage and carry forward the name of the person memorialized in a living, vital way that grows grander with the years.

...Today's ceremony assumes a highly symbolic significance and relevance; this tree will grow to remind all of us, as well as new generations to come, of the many already flourishing seeds of hope that your loved ones have given to others. I hope that when each one of you get a chance you will come back to Oskaloosa and visit this tree and remember the precious gift that your loved one gave, the Gift of Hope and the Gift of Life.

After my reading, families tied green ribbons on the branches of this newly planted Locust Sunburst tree in remembrance of their loved ones and the gifts they gave.

The ceremony concluded with very moving speeches from a mother of an organ donor and a liver transplant recipient.

Being at this ceremony provided me the opportunity to meet and speak with family members of organ donors and other transplant recipients. As I spoke with family members of organ donors, I was completely overwhelmed. I was flooded with words of congratulations on my transplant and kind words of what an amazing mother I have - that I already know :).

Before I left, I walked back out to the tree.

I sat for a few minutes on a bench next to the tree, just staring at the tree, staring at all the green ribbons tied to the branches of the tree. Thinking about the people who tied those ribbons, thinking about their loved ones who gave the "Gift of Life" and the "Gift of Hope" to others, thinking about those others, the recipients, and thinking about my mother.

There was no stopping it... a tear slowly streamed down my cheek as a smile was painted on my face.