A few months ago, a chick I adore over at Iowa Donor Network named Eve sent out a very excited email about a donor Mom named Rachel who she met at a learning conference. Rachel spoke at the conference - she told them about her son, Nate. Nate passed away in 2002 and became a donor. A few weeks later, another chick I adore over at Gift of Hope named Roxane was excited to let me know that she had heard Nate’s Mom Rachel as well.
One of the things that Nathan liked to do was to leave his own little bit of graffiti around the town where he lived – he superglued small, plastic dinosaurs in random spots around town. At the conference, his Mom passed out plastic dinosaurs and asked the participants, when they came across somewhere interesting, to leave one and take a picture – and send the photo and a quick note to her.
Eve comes out from Iowa to do the Hustle up the Hancock with me in February – this will be her third time she’s climbed with me… Eve said she’s bringing her plastic dinosaur with her to take a picture on the 94th floor.
I emailed Rachel and asked her about her son. I told her I wanted to post a little something about her and about Nate, and about leaving dinosaurs. I was all set to write a fun little piece and tell people to send Rachel pictures of toy dinosaurs in memory of Nate… Then Rachel sent me a little story, and the beginning of an essay written by Nate that made me cry:
INTRODUCTION
My son, Nathan Jillson, moved to Portland during the summer of 2002. His journey had taken him from his home in Wichita, Kansas, to Boulder, Colorado for a year, to a few month stint in San Francisco, and then to Portland.
After a long and discouraging job search, Nate obtained employment at Ken’s Artisan Bakery at 21st and Flanders. He had also enrolled in a creative writing course and a Psychology course at Portland Community College, Cascade Campus. He loved Portland, and was connected with the world.
Nate’s professors supported and encouraged participation by their students in the PCC Service Learning Program. In the program, students were to find volunteer service positions in the community, and incorporate those experiences in their class assignments. Nate decided pretty quickly that he wanted to volunteer at an elementary school. When he went to the first school to apply, he was rejected. It may have had something to do with his abundant ADHD energy and his very tattooed left arm. Nate would be rejected by nine more schools, but he persisted and found his place at Buckman Elementary. It was a perfect match.
While at Buckman, on December 9, 2002, Nate suffered a massive brain stem hemorrhage. Without regaining consciousness, Nate died five days later at Legacy Emanuel. Nate had been clear about his wish to be an organ donor, and he was the first DCD donor in Oregon.
In Nate’s belongings, there were a number of standard black and white Mead Composition Books. On the front cover of one, Nate had written: “Some Words And Stuff For Things”. Looking at the first page, it became clear that this was a notebook he used to keep track of assignments for his classes, and a variety of other writing. It was in that notebook that I found the draft essay that is transcribed below. I hesitated transcribing Nate’s Essay, because it was not a finished final piece. In fact, it was an introduction to a class paper addressing the tragic lack of funding for Public schools. After many requests for the essay, I determined that it was alright to transcribe it as long as it is accompanied by this history and introduction. I would request that if anyone wants to share this essay with others, that they keep the introduction with it.
Thanks, Nate’s Mom, Rachel
Nate’s Essay
A little girl hugged me today. I think maybe I’m on the right path. I’m not sure if I like where the path might lead, but it is a really nice path. Is it possible that we, as a culture, focus too much on the light at the end of the tunnel, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Isn’t it enough to realize you’re standing on a goddamn rainbow.
I’ve not been at the school for long, maybe three weeks. I go in on Mondays to work in Activity Center, an after school program for students at Buckman Elementary. So far I have won at Candyland twice and stacked the deck once to make sure the quiet little boy with snot always hanging right at the edge of his nostril won once. I have built a Lego robot with four double rockets. I’m not sure what four double rockets really are, but I was assured my robot, our robot, had them. I have removed Sam’s organs many times in Operation.
I don’t know what I’m going to be when I grow up. I don’t even know if I will grow up. I prefer being called a boy to a man. I still want a tree house. I’ve been focused on some form of regression for a long time and now I’m back in elementary school. I love it.
I’m not sure where this path leads. To become a teacher turn to page 65. To drop out and bake for a living turn to page 14. To build longboats in Norway turn to page 21. I sometimes feel like I’m trapped in a Choose Your Own Adventure style book. If you don’t like one ending you can backtrack and start over. That’s why I’m back in elementary school.
A little girl hugged me today. I was walking out the front door of Buckman Elementary School and was chased down and hugged. It was Disneyland and Circus Peanuts and Star Wars Toys. I damn near cried. I’m not sure where the path I’m on leads and I don’t care. It’s a really nice path.
Several people are alive because of Nate. Maybe someone understands that they’re standing on a rainbow because of Nate. Maybe someone got a hug today because of Nate. Maybe someone realizes that they’re on a really nice path – because of Nate.
I think I would have liked Nate. I’m 47 ¾ and I too think of myself more as a boy than a man. And I think I’d like a tree house too.
And I think I understand it better than many, but I like being reminded that I’m standing on a rainbow.
And circling back to the original motivation for this post - In honor of the gifts he's given others, and in memory of Nate, Rachel would love to receive pictures of toy dinosaurs in front of fun places wherever you are. Here's one of the pictures I've sent Rachel - it's a little dinosaur in front of "the bean" in Chicago. I think Rachel plans to create a little website including these pictures in memory of Nate. I'm sure I'll post about that when she does! You can send them to [email protected] I think it's a neat idea and a beautiful little tribute to a very special young man! (And his Mom...)