I’ve been chatting with friends and other recipients and lately, the idea that I’m approaching the ten year anniversary of my transplant comes up often – yup, it’s still about five months off, but it’s still coming up… For those who don't know, ten years is a good, long ride for lung recipients!!! And walking home after one of those chats, it dawned on me that 20% of my life has been with her lungs. She’s given me one fifth of my life – and in a way I’d never imagined possible. Not that there was anything wrong with the other four fifths – they were pretty wonderful… Those last few years before I was given her lungs were a little rough, but there was still wonderfulness in those years too. But this last 20% has been beyond my wildest imagination… And she’s given me almost half of my life with Laura. We’ve been married just over 20 years – and though Laura watched me crash and burn 12-13 years ago – these last 10 years have been beyond amazing. I know there are moments when she wishes I’d just shuddup, the extra oxygen did seem to inspire a motor-mouth... But none of us has ever associated being quiet with this gift…
Can you imagine a gift like this? Can you imagine a fifth of your life as a gift? Half of your marriage as a gift? And not just a fifth or a half, but a truly amazing fifth and half… A fifth and a half that make me tear up just thinking about it… After struggling through four-fifths and not even truly understanding I was struggling, because it was just life – breathing like I do now is what I was always lead to believe heaven would be like…
And do you know how many friends I’ve met since this gift – how many lives have touched mine? Not only friends I’ve met on this journey – but friends I’ve met because of her – her friends and family – and they’re more precious to me than you can possibly imagine…
I'm not alone in how I feel. This is how so many recipients feel about the people, and the families who save our lives...
On another note – I fell in love with a song these past months… It was written by Brice Williams and performed by Lady Antebellum, and titled “I was here.”
You will notice me
I’ll be leaving my mark,
like initials carved in an old oak tree
You wait and see
Maybe I’ll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I’ll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don’t know
But I’m ready to start cuz I know in my heart…
When I first heard the lyrics I welled up, and I wondered what Kari would have been, and what she’ll let me become… I immediately thought of my friend TC, over at donorcycle – she wrote the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read about Kari titled “Legacy.” TC touched on that – on what she might have been… When I heard the first verse, I wondered if I’m her initials carved in an old oak tree – if I’m a mark Kari left behind... I hope I am.
Cuz I know it’s my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this placeI wanna do something that matters,
say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better,
with the time I’ve been given
And I wanna try, to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less, than something that says
“I was here”And I know that I,
I will do more than just pass through this life
I’ll leave nothing less than something that says
“I was here”
Is there a better way to leave something behind, that says you were here, than organ donation? A better way to leave more than a trace of yourself in this place, than saving a life, or several lives? Is there a better way of touching a few hearts in this life, than giving someone a fifth or a half of a life or marriage as a gift? I think it’s a beautiful song – here is Lady Antebellum’s version:
I hope that when others look at me, they see me as nothing less than something that says – She was here.
