April 7, 2013
Dear Kari…
13 years ago today, you passed away – 13 years ago tomorrow you saved my life. You wore #13 on your uniform and now I see 13 everywhere… And whenever I see the number 13, my heart feels warm – it seems like my whole life now revolves around 13. But, it really revolves around you.
I never imagined breathing, and life, could be this amazing, Kari. You are on my mind always – so is your family. I’d rather you were here, but thank you for what you’ve given me.
It appears that the gift #7 gave me is going to keep #13 wrapped around my heart for a good while longer. And one of #7’s parents is bringing this to you for me.
Love, Lungs & Laura
Thirteen years ago tomorrow, a little after noon, I got a telephone call. By 9:00pm, thirteen years ago tomorrow, I would be under anesthesia and, six hours later a gift would be sewn in place - and the rest of my life would be more amazing than I'd ever dreamed possible. Thirteen years ago today, a family in Iowa lost a daughter and sister. Over the next few years - and still - in my heart that girl would become the most beautiful person who ever lived.
In my email exchanges with Kari's mom, she made it very clear to me that they want nothing more than for me to love and live my life. She made it clear that they never want me to feel guilty about their loss. In the weeks after we first met Kari's family and we learned a little more about one another, the word she used to describe the situation was "bittersweet"... I think they saw the impact that they, and Kari had on my life - but I know it also fanned the embers of losing her - I'm unsure those ever cool completely... I've met dozens of donor families - and I've heard this echoed by so many...
These next few days are always a celebration for me - as these days are for many of us transplant recipients - some of us call it our re-birthday, or a new birthday... I feel it's more special than my birthday ever was... But, as Kari's mom so appropriately put it - it's bittersweet... Knowing Kari through them, and through so many of her friends who I now adore, their loss has become my loss too. My loss will never hold a candle to theirs - yet it still hurts...
I'd lived an amazing life with my crappy, old cystic fibrosis lungs. I'd had so many things that many young CF patients never have -too many of us die before we ever have the chance... I had a wonderful childhood with an amazing, supportive family. I developed a nice career path. I fell in love with, and married an incredibly beautiful girl - she's still as beautiful today, and she's still with me... Yet, back then I was always exhausted. And I did struggle - but I didn't know anything else, so that was oddly OK. And I was afraid - sometimes a lot afraid. Thirteen years ago, tomorrow, all of that changed. I never imagined breathing could feel like this... I never knew breathing could feel this wonderful and be this easy... I never knew life could be this easy.
I know that Kari did not die because I needed lungs... But, when she died, I lived because of who Kari was. I lived because of the values instilled in Kari by her family - the values they shared with her... I lived because of the actions they took as they lost her...
The note above is on the flowers that a friend placed on Kari's grave, so that they would be there today and tomorrow... Everything good that I have now, is because of Kari and her family. I always know that - even while it's happening.
Please take a moment to think about Kari, and all of the Kari's in the world - and all of their families. Beyond the month that Kari gave me life - April is National Organ & Tissue Donation Awareness month - think about your ability to do this for someone else and register your decision...
